Top 7 Things Men Want Female Breadwinners to Realize About Relationships
“Top 7 Things Men Want Female Breadwinners to Realize About Relationships”
1) Don’t be selfish: Decades ago men were almost always the higher earners, and willing to share their salaries to provide for their families. Female breadwinners should refrain from perceiving their salaries as their money, just because they’re women. That’s an outdated and selfish perspective. The collective salaries coming into the home should be considered household money, regardless of who makes it. Stop spending money frivolously on yourself when those funds could be used to make the household more solvent and financially stable.
2) Don’t be a bully. Some say that money is power. But when it comes to loving relationships, using your higher-earning power as a tool to emasculate your mate is a losing move. A financial bully uses the power of money to make their partner weak. Is that what you want in your man? Instead, you should lift him up by helping him to realize that he means more to you than the dollars and cents on his paycheck.
3) Define your expectations. Many couples struggle with defining ‘Head of Household’ in a modern world. Have honest discussions about what ‘head of household’ means within the context of your unique partnership. Don’t assume that your man knows what you expect of him. Give him a chance to make you happy by jointly defining this leadership role for your family, and allowing him space to fill that role.
4) Analyze your psyche. If a woman feels compelled to pound her chest in a display of superiority simply because she out-earns her man, that’s a sign of deeper trouble. Do you need to put your man down in order for you to feel good? If so, there are likely some underlying issues that have yet to be addressed. Consider counseling as an individual and a couple, to work through the emotional baggage that may be hampering your relationship.
5) You can’t have your cake and eat it, too. Ladies, you can’t expect to ‘be the boss’ in your relationship by enjoying all of the privilege, without the responsibility. Being a boss means more than you just having the final say on household decisions. It also means sacrifice and compromise. Most men are willing to do both. If you want to wear the pants in your relationship, put them on all the way! Take out the trash, do some yard work, and be ready to rumble when something goes bump in the night. Otherwise, step aside and let your man have a crack at it.
6) Stop coddling your mate. If you’re constantly preventing your man from failing and learning from his mistakes, he’s more like a son than a husband. Men are solutions-oriented and love to fix things. But if you take away opportunities for us to fall, pull ourselves up, and practice that, we can lose our mojo. Phrases like ‘It’s a Man’s World’, ‘Dog Eat Dog World’, and ‘Concrete Jungle’ are timeless for a reason. We need our claws to stay sharpened so that we can continue to protect our families from whatever comes our way.
8) The Take-Away Message. A focus group of men in relationships with female breadwinners were asked this question: ‘What can a woman do to make you feel more comfortable with her breadwinner status?’ Here are their answers:
1) Make him feel appreciated.
2) Let him be the man you married. Stop trying to change or upgrade him.
3) If your higher salary is a core issue with how you relate to your man, your relationship has bigger issues.
4) If you frequently clash with your man over the important decisions in your relationship, consider deferring to a life coach or mediator who will have the final say. This practice can prevent blame and doubt from arising when great minds fail to think alike.