She Makes More “Unplugged”: The Inside Stories of Female Breadwinners- Back Taxes
This story is about a Female Breadwinner whose husband was initially employed, but he ended up losing his job for a couple of years. She was left holding the household together as the sole breadwinner. So over the time she was supporting the household, they were getting behind in their taxes- they didn’t have the extra money to pay Uncle Sam on her single income. When he got back on his feet, secured new employment, and got back in a good place financially, she naturally asked him, “Hey, I need some help getting caught up with these back taxes. Are you able to help put something toward this?” His response? “No!” He went on to say, “I didn’t get us into this, you decided not to pay the taxes, and when I didn’t have a job and I asked you for $20 dollars you wouldn’t even give it to me.”
She had no idea that he was carrying around a grudge for all those years. Her side of it was, “You’re a man. Right? I shouldn’t have to give you an allowance. You should go find a way to earn some money, whether you’re finding a second job or a hobby or whatever it is,” Her impression was, “I should not have to give you an allowance.”
Clearly, they had differences in core values that went undiscussed for far too long. They did not communicate to each other effectively, and over those years where he was unemployed, a lot of resentment built up on both sides. So his refusal to help her with those back taxes once he got his employment was in essence his idea of revenge.
When couples allow crucial things to go unsaid, and feelings of resentment to build up- it can be so destructive to the relationship. Clear, gentle communication is so important in these types of relationships. Once the resentment festers, it’s sometimes very hard to walk it back and regain that connection that you once had…that loving feeling of admiration toward the other person. Unfortunately, the relationship did not last. This couple was not able to move beyond the hurt feelings- her feelings of betrayal regarding their back taxes, and his feelings of vengefulness at not feel supported while unemployed. The key to success in Female Breadwinner relationship is effective (and early) communication, unconditional support, to build lasting love.