Who Stole My Pants?

Since embarking on my journey to provide a voice for female breadwinners in America, I have had the pleasure of being invited on several radio and television talk shows to discuss my book. My years of research with female breadwinners revealed a wealth of juicy information about how these women think and feel, but can never tell their mates. Such media opportunities have quickly taught me that I must be able to condense my thoughts on this topic into a short and sweet “5-minute elevator speech”. And while this is not easily accomplished on a topic that I am so passionate about, I think I am getting the hang of it! So here is my elevator speech regarding what female breadwinners want to see in their mates…

If I must choose one pivotal concept that I learned from female breadwinners, it is this: women who are the higher earners in their marriages DO NOT want to wear the pants in their relationships! These women may be highly capable of acting as the heads of household but in most instances, this is NOT a hat that she wants to wear. Unfortunately, some female breadwinners feel that they are forced to assume this role because of a lack of leadership in their mates.

So what type of leadership do female breadwinners want to see in their mates? Well, here is a basic skeleton of what an effective leader would look like to a female breadwinner: someone who displays financial literacy, fairness, and sacrifice. Why do I place financial literacy first? Because we all know that money can make or break a marriage, especially in hard economic times. Contrary to the housewife of yesteryear, the female breadwinner may feel that she has a greater financial stake in the marriage. She may have earned a larger portion of the household’s income and has a strong desire to have that money protected. She wants to see that her husband can provide leadership by managing the finances of the household. His ability to create the family’s monthly budget, emergency fund, college savings, and retirement plan will confirm that he is adept at providing direction financially for the family.

Fairness is also an important leadership characteristic for female breadwinners. Fairness simply means that, as the head of household, he will do whatever it takes to fill in gaps in the family routine. Such gaps may understandably develop in the face of the increased career demands of a bread-winning wife. Even if the task is of a more domestic nature, such as cooking, cleaning, and child-care, a true leader should be willing to pick up the pieces to help the family unit function most effectively. After all, a king should want his kingdom to run smoothly and efficiently.

Sacrifice is another admirable leadership characteristic that breadwinners long to see in their husbands. She wants to know that he will place the needs of the family above his own needs and will set a good example for her and her children. For instance, let’s think of a family that is saving up for a large ticket purchase. A leader who takes peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in a brown paper bag instead of buying take-out for lunch is sending a strong message to his family. It’s not about the sandwiches; it is about the message behind his actions. As a leader, he is setting a proper example for his family to follow.

By mastering these leadership characteristics, the mates of female breadwinners can rightfully claim their position as head of household. Thus, avoiding the awkward question, “who stole my pants?”