In the Dumps…

In the Dumps..


I recently received an invitation to host a book discussion for “She Makes More” at a local hair salon in my city of Orlando, Florida.  My book had been causing quite a stir among the stylists and their clients. The salon owners were subsequently inspired to host this event for me. I was thrilled to receive the invitation as I appreciate every opportunity to discuss my passion with others. I especially value the opportunity to hear heartfelt stories of female breadwinners from all walks of life.

The conversation commenced as expected with the book being the main focus of discussion. We dissected the nuances of the female breadwinners who bravely and candidly contributed testimony for the book. Questions were passed back and forth, “is it fair for her to expect that from her mate?”, “ why did she ignore those signs?”, “what if he never finds a job?”. As the conversation unfolded, this particular group of ladies had one important question on their minds- how do I handle a man who has lost his self-esteem?

Whew! This topic is a tough one…I say this because as women, and nurturers, and mothers, and caretakers, we want to fix what ails those that we love. We want to put a Band-Aid on the “boo-boo”. It hurts to see your mate in the dumps because of a job loss, or a series of failures, or due to psychological baggage he may carry from child hood.  As I continue on my journey, I wonder if this topic will become a common struggle for female breadwinners. And if so, what came first- the chicken or the egg?  Does having a wife who earns more lead to low self-esteem in a man? Or are the more educated, industrious, hard-working women choosing mates who already have that tendency? The circumstance of having a wife who earns more can feel like adding insult to injury.

When your man’s lack of self-esteem becomes so challenging to you as a wife that you want to leave the marriage- things become serious. It is very difficult for one person to completely build up another. It’s called “self” esteem because it is something that must come from within. A woman cannot give that to a man, no matter how hard she tries. Each of us must one day come to the realization that we are special and worthy of success and happiness. For some of us, that realization occurs during adolescence or young adulthood. Others of us never get there.

Professional counseling may be the first step to help a man begin to rebuke his low opinion of himself. And if self-esteem issues are causing his marriage to suffer, he should prioritize such counseling to save his marriage! The seriousness of this situation should not be marginalized.  A woman may be at her wit’s end if she feels that she has incessantly coddled, and stroked, and tip-toed around her man’s emotions to no avail for years in the marriage. Husbands who struggle with this short-coming must tackle it with urgency and sincerity. If not, his marriage may end up alongside his self esteem…in the dumps.