Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire- Why Successful Women Use White Lies as Modern Tools of Engagement

Our mothers taught us to never lie. The Bible says that the truth shall set us free. So why do some successful women use “white lies” as tools of engagement while dating? Lying is considered a distasteful characteristic according to social norms. But many of us still take the risk of misrepresenting certain aspects of ourselves to compete in the dating world. This is a new day! And while money and status is a bonus for men while dating- it can leave us as women feeling like the last ones picked on the school yard.
Many consider white lies to be “for the common good”, which entices some of us, who are generally upright and of solid character, to engage in this practice to drum up more suitors and bolster our love lives. And we won’t necessarily feel bad about it either, because we do so with good intentions. A despicable person lies to cheat the system, or to get something they don’t deserve. But successful women who lie while dating do so for one simple reason- to become the girls we used to be.

Before the degrees, before the salary, before the success, we were just girls. We were bubbly girls with mounds of potential and opportunity before us. Our parents taught us to reach for the stars in education and occupation. And when we did that, our career opportunities soared, manifesting as impressive resumes, salaries, and accomplishments. But our romantic opportunities can feel as if they’ve come to a screeching halt -because potential suitors discover what we do for a living, or the kind of car we drive, or the letters behind our names- and run for the hills. Modern women know all too well that even in today’s world, there remains a sizable cohort of men who are intimidated by successful women. So in an effort to squelch men’s intimidation and hesitation, we simply introduce them to our more “girlish” persona. There’s nothing scary about her, she’s safe, and fun and lovable. She- and the woman she has evolved into- is worthy of being courted and loved!

We want the men that we meet to feel confident and open to meeting the real spirit inside each of us. So we assume the risk of telling untruths to put the man before us at ease. Whether right or wrong- it’s happening. And it will continue to happen until modern men can learn to remain confident and self-assured, regardless of the success level of the woman before him. But with every risk, the chance of failure parallels the chance of reward. For many successful women, we are willing to take that risk to find our happily ever after. Because the girl inside of us wants to be liberated from labels and presumptions- she just wants to be loved for who she is on the inside -because that should be enough.