There is no “I” in Team…

 

So much of our perception of relationships containing female breadwinners stems from our individual upbringing and formative years. Despite the changing tide in American relationships, many of us cling desperately to age-old traditions and marital expectations. According to recent statistics regarding women in education and the workforce, the female breadwinner is here to stay. Therefore, we must begin to retrain our thinking as it relates to each gender’s role in the modern relationship.

I recently hosted a ‘men only’ focus group for the mates of female breadwinners. A myriad of insightful points was presented by the men. But the one that stayed with me the most refers to women who still practice the “what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine” approach to relationships, despite being the primary breadwinner.

Circumstances in life change. And unfortunately, the habits that made us comfortable in the past may make us suffer in the future. If we as women are thrust into the position of being the primary breadwinner, we must begin to understand that with the breadwinner position comes responsibility- responsibility to the household to be sure that needs are met. It may make us feel uncomfortable to take on the majority of the household bills, especially if we are accustomed to spending a certain amount of money on ourselves. But there is a saying that goes, ‘to whom much is given, much is expected’. We must own our circumstance and be grateful for our ability to provide for our families.

I know some of us women were taught growing up that “a woman should only go into her purse for lipstick” or “paying the mortgage is a man’s job”. But the reality is that times have changed, women are out-earning men at staggering rates. Some of our parents’ and grandparents’ expectations of marital roles are as stale as day-old bread. We must recognize this and evolve. We must move toward a place of acceptance and healing. And we must do so without resentment and blame, as long as our mates are doing their best to contribute to the team. Because no matter which way you slice it, there is no “I” in team….