15 Things Female Breadwinners Need To Know About Divorce

• Documents disappear. When the discussion of divorce rears it ugly head. Important documents have a way of making themselves scarce. So before you venture down that road of conversation with your mate. Make sure you have located and photocopied important documents that display shared money, assets, debts, and liabilities.
• Interview Divorce attorneys before choosing one- It is a good idea to interview a few attorneys in your local are before securing one. You should ask about their hourly fees, observe whether their personality fits yours, and inquire what type of turn-around time you can expect on phone calls and emails, etc. Choose the attorney that feels like the most comfortable fit.
• Timing is everything- Divorce is hard on everyone involved, and the timing always seems wrong. But planning will be beneficial to you as the higher earner. The optimal time is NOT when he is unemployed or otherwise financially unstable. Try to wait until he has reliable income of his own, otherwise the courts may look to you to support his lifestyle until he gets on his feet.
• Know your state’s guidelines on length of marriage- different states have different timelines regarding when marriages are considered short term or long term. The shorter marriages will require you to pay less alimony or possibly none. Know the important chronological deadlines for your state.
• It’s More painful that you may think- On a psychologist’s scale rating emotional pain, divorce is described as the second most painful life event. It is second only to the death of a spouse, but rated more painful that the death of a child.
• Get Ready to Bare Your Soul- Divorce attorneys will want to know everything about your marriage, in an effort to be your best advocate. Don’t be shy! Be open and honest about the details, shortcomings, and frustrations of your marriage. In the end, the more your attorney knows about you and who you are- the better they can fight for you in court against your husband’s attorney.
• Women DO pay alimony. Times have changed and divorce courts are not as concerned with differences in gender as you may think. If the woman is the higher earner, there’s a good chance she could be paying her ex-husband alimony for a period of time.
• Him remarrying can be good for you- If you are ordered by a court to pay alimony because you were the higher earner in the marriage, there may be a light at the end of the tunnel. When you see him snuggling up to the next gal, just know that it may benefit your pockets. If he remarries, it is likely that you will no longer have to pay him alimony.
• Try the team approach- Feelings will be hurt regardless of which spouse files for divorce. But if you are both in search of a happier life, you may be able to approach this divorce amicably. Operating as a team to divide assets and create child-sharing schedules not only saves money in attorney fees and court fees, it makes the process less stressful for you and for your children.
• You may have to pay for HIS attorney- If you are the higher earner in the marriage, you may be forced to cover the brunt of the fees associated with this process. That includes his attorney. If you want the divorce, his attorney may say he can’t afford it and that may be justified in the eyes of the court.
• Divorce in some states is faster than others- In some states, even after you’re good and ready to leave the marriage, you may be told to slow down. States like California have a mandatory “waiting period” before you can file for divorce. It’s called Mandatory Separation and the rule requires you and your husband to live apart for 6 months before filing for divorce. Know the laws in your state.
• You may have to pay child support- As the higher earner in the marriage, child support laws don’t care that you’re a woman. The law only cares that the child affected by the divorce is well taken care of regardless of whether the child is staying at mom’s house or dad’s house. So you may be ordered to pay child support to your ex-husband to ensure that his living condition/lifestyle can remain consistent with what the child was accustomed to in the marital home.
• You have options on your approach to parenting – When it comes to child-sharing schedules and creating new parenting arrangements, in many states you are in the driver’s seat. You can be creative as you need to be to ensure that your children are as well- adjusted as possible to this new change. You and your ex- husband can even choose to reside in the same home after divorce if you feel that it will benefit the children.
• Be willing to Compromise – The process of divorce and splitting assets is a stressful one. A swifter approach is best as it allows you to both get on with your lives. This may require you to compromise on things that feel dear to you- but may not be worth the heartache of dragging out the process with endless disputes. Be willing to give in on some things in an effort to bring closure to this chapter.
• You will get through it- Divorce is a painful event that most never imagine will happen. But approaching it with acceptance, grace, teamwork, and compromise will likely bring about the most bearable result. When the dust settles, it is possible to find happiness after divorce. You will be wiser, freer, and more resilient for having learned this life lesson. Your future can be as bright as you choose to make it.